Hi, I am Organic Sista. In my daily life, I wear many hats. I’m a wife, mother and Medical Research Scientist. On my best days I’m a bible teacher, formulator, e-lancer, internet entrepreneur, professional speaker, life strategist and a fake Martha Stewart. My friends say that I do too much, but, what I’ve found out is that I’m good at many things. My multi-dimensional personality allows me to function at a high executive level. I’m a recovering type A and classic over-achiever who relapses (often).
I wanted to find a platform that would be uniquely and intentionally me. In my medical platform, I could not bring in my holistic side because it contradicted much of what I do in medicine. As an entrepreneur, that platform conflicted in what I did sometimes as a minister of the gospel. And how confusing can I make people with my fake Martha Stewart antics. I simply, just didn’t fit anywhere. How could I brand myself without looking like some crazy person who throws her hands into everything that moves? I sought experts, gurus and mentors and they all told me the same, you need to concentrate on just one thing. Except, I didn’t know how to do this. Everything thing that I do provides pleasure to me. So, I decided in order for me to be my intentional self, I needed to be authentic. Organic Sista is me in all my authenticity; nerdy, quirky, weird, flawed, introvert and loving. I am the sum total of my family, my friends, my experiences, my work and my relationship to God. I am organically ME!
After many years of working myself into the ground, I began to want a simpler lifestyle. Somewhere between traveling, business meetings and the never ending projects, I began craving a smaller life. I didn’t know what was happening, but my world was getting smaller. I was a top Medical Researcher, who also had several successful businesses, created natural products for some famous athletes and celebrities, and a highly sought after speaker, but I wasn’t authentically happy. Somewhere around the time my mother died, I began to re-think my life. I began asking myself why I am here. The two weeks I took off to grieve my mother was earth shattering and a journey of discovery. It was the first time that I was still. It was the first time I heard my voice. Sounds stupid, right?
I had been in a constant state of motion emotionally, physically and mentally. I was busy at being busy. I thought I loved it. I was convinced I loved it. But, sitting one day on the couch and starring out the window I found myself thinking,” What I am going to do next?” It was my Aha Moment. I realized that there was nothing else to prove. My mother was dead. There was no other achievement to do that she would see to gain her approval. I had built a life of trying to get my mother’s forgiveness. A sin that she never penalized me for. You see, I had gotten pregnant in college. I had let her down. I was the One in our family who would go to college and become not a lawyer, but a judge. That was my mother’s dream for me since I could remember. It was indoctrinated in me by her and my mother’s boss. Her job as a maid made her want more for me and she told me that she would clean every floor in America so that I could go to college and become a judge.
Staring back at me that day while sitting on the couch was a letter my mother had written almost a year prior to her death. The letter said how proud she was of me. How she is happy that I take her to her appointments and asked the doctors questions she couldn’t. And despite having a career, I drop everything to be there for her. It said she loved the home that I had made for her and that she was proud of me. For whatever reasons, this day I read it, I was healed. I realized my mom never gave me one day’s grief about becoming pregnant in college. Her disappointment didn’t mean she wasn’t proud of who I became. It was me who was full of guilt. I had over-achieved my life by doing EVERYTHING! It was my way of saying mom, I’m sorry for disappointing you. I’m sorry for embarrassing you. All my success didn’t cure me of not forgiving myself. If my mom was alive today there’s no telling what my hands would be into.
My mother’s last words were my name. I’ll never forget it. With her last breath she whispered my name. There was something in the way she said it. It meant let her go and her work was finished. But, I begged her not to leave. You see my guilt had more to prove to her.
That day I saw everything around me was built on guilt. All of my motives were guilt driven. The first thing I did was begin to de-clutter my life. I downsized many things in my life. Anything that wasn’t authentic I got rid of it or made adjustments. Things that did not make me genuinely happy I stopped doing it. Of course I lost a few friends, a few businesses but I restructured my life to a one that is Organic. My journey to peace is a journey and not a destination. I know this for sure. But, I’m having fun being and living intentionally. This has spilled over in every area of my life. I love and live Organically and I wear it well. I live in this world, but my mind truly lives outside of it. I can now understand how a billionaire will gain it all and give it away. My Organic living doesn’t mean I eat everything (organically) but that’s a goal, it means that I am no longer polluted with how others think I should live; that I live within the freedom that is inside of me and that I’m the original Theresa Harris that God created. This blog is about being an Organic Sista. Come with me.
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